


Sketchy

by mkhhhx



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: (implied) - Freeform, Heavy Angst, Kihyun and Hoseok only mentioned, M/M, Reincarnation, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 09:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12554616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: Minhyuk is tired.He wasn’t expecting any of this.Hyungwon didn’t deserve any of this.





	Sketchy

“Baby, just one more bite. We’ll watch your favorite movie afterwards.”  
Hyungwon opens his mouth just enough for the spoon to enter and chews the already mashed food.

Minhyuk is tired. He wasn’t expecting any of this. Hyungwon didn’t deserve any of this. He can’t give up now, because if he does, Hyungwon is lost for good. Letting Hyungwon down is something he would never forgive himself for.

Minhyuk remembers their life some years ago. Some months ago even. Full of energy, madly in love. Healthy. Next to their television, a framed photograph Kihyun took at their wedding is the sole reminder of those times. Both in their tailored suits, Hyungwon standing tall, holding a glass of wine and smiling brighter than the sun. Minhyuk, next to him, in his crème shirt and pink bowtie looking content, talking to someone out of the picture.

He shifts his attention back to Hyungwon, who is drinking water by himself. That’s good. He’s getting better and stronger. Even if it’s from a plastic cup with a straw, it’s gonna be okay. He promised the movie but he’s pretty sure he’ll be out in the first ten minutes. Everything is exhausting these days.

He tucks Hyungwon better in the covers and takes the tray with the mostly untouched meal back to the kitchen counter. Hyungwon used to take so much space on the couch, happily spreading his legs and provoking Minhyuk to sit on him or the floor. Now he’s curled to himself and barely taking half the space.

He turns the DVD player on, the movie already inside. Hyungwon used to watch it with his mother and now it helps him sleep. Minhyuk misses the times he was the one helping Hyungwon sleep, on his dorm’s twin tiny bed, on their double and spacious one, the backseat of their car. Hyungwon spends most nights on the couch and Minhyuk is hesitant to move him, sleep doesn’t come that easy anymore.

“Hey” Hyungwon’s bony hand reaches for his own and Minhyuk takes it between his palms, plants a soft kiss at the knuckles and keeping it on his lap.

“Yes dear.” He pauses the movie and turns his body facing his husband.

“Can we get a cat?” He looks like a child asking for candy.

“No baby, we can’t get a cat.”

“Why?” Minhyuk hates that he has to explain. Hates it because if they could, they would get ten cats. Hyungwon loves cats so much.

“Sanitarily baby. Remember what the doctor told you?”  
Hyungwon nobs weakly and lets his head fall on the arm of the couch.

The doctor had informed them about the side effects of the medication. Memory loss, confusion, lack of critical skills and balance. He tightens his grip on Hyungwon’s hand, careful not to hurt him. They can’t afford to lose this battle. Minhyuk doesn’t even like cats, but promises Hyungwon they’ll adopt one when he gets better.

Waking up is a torture. The digital clock beeps inches away from his ear and he slams it’s top to silence it. He doesn’t remember going to bed the previous night, but he can’t remember a lot of other things too, so he doesn’t dwell on it for long. His memory is a mess, maybe greater than Hyungwon’s.

He takes a quick shower, the rubber duck Hyungwon adores looking miserable, sitting untouched at the edge of the bathtub for so long. He misses bubble baths with Hyungwon, on Friday nights after they both finished work. He shaves and gets back to the bedroom to pick clothes for the day. The same dull costume with a different tie, maroon this time, because it’s the first that catches his eye.

The extra time is used on making a simple breakfast, leaving some for Hyungwon on the table next to the couch, with a post it note with a list of the meds he needs to take. He is about to take his coat but stops, walks back and writes a rushed “I love you” at the end of the note. Hyungwon deserves at least that.

Work is boring, tiring and everything of the short. But he needs it. Because Hyungwon needs his meds, to get better. When he gets better, Minhyuk will quit and they’ll travel around Asia hitchhiking. He smiles to himself, another photo of them decorating his desk. This one is from Hyungwon’s graduation, ages ago. His boss passes by and he gets back to work.

Going back home, Minhyuk passes from that small store with art supplies. It’s squished between a bakery and an apartment building, colors blooming from the shop window. The doctor’s words come to his mind, “Some creative time would help your husband’s memory Mr. Lee”. He suddenly feels terrible for letting Hyungwon watch TV shows for hours by himself.

The store is more spacious inside, a lady coming to greet him cheerfully. He makes a quick estimation of the budget he can spend on this. Looking around, at the colors, the sketchbooks, he remembers all of his failed attempts at painting. Hyungwon loved them so much he hung one of his canvases on the living room wall, where it still is. But water colors are so messy, so he settles for colored pencils and a pack of paper.

When he unlocks the door and leaves his shoes, he notices something is missing and panics. Hyungwon rarely leaves the couch. Letting his bag fall on the shoes he rushes to check the rest of the house and finds Hyungwon almost right away.

Doubled over himself, sitting on the toilet bowl and fully dressed Hyungwon is taking sharp deep breaths. Minhyuk walks and kneels in front of him, trying to get his attention. They stay still for a while, until Hyungwon’s breathing goes back to normal. Minhyuk lightly touches his knees to help him calm down.

“What happened Hyungwon? Are you in pain?” Minhyuk remind himself to check if Hyungwon took his medication properly.

“No, I…I just. I came to brush my teeth, but I…” Hyungwon takes a deep breath again, talking takes much of his energy.

“You got tired.” Hyungwon shakes his head.

“It’s okay, I’ll help you and then we can go rest.”

Minhyuk helps Hyungwon stand and brush his teeth. He wraps his free hand around Hyungwon’s waist, so thin he’s scared of breaking it. It’s time to change the sheets on the couch, so he takes Hyungwon in his arms, lifting him like it’s nothing and placing him on the bed, promising to be right back.

He throws the sheets and covers Hyungwon uses on the couch in the washing machine and grabs new ones. Then, he picks the plastic bag with the pencils and paper and gets back into the bedroom. It’s one of the lately rare times he sees Hyungwon as something but sick and tired and scrawnier day by day.

This time, Hyungwon is beautiful, with the afternoon light on him, lying on the bed and looking over Minhyuk’s books on the nightstand. As beautiful as the first time they met in Hoseok’s party and as he was on their first Christmas together and as when they painted their new house , paint spilled on their clothes and smiles full.

Minhyuk undresses himself, ends up stripped to his underwear and looking around the wardrobe for clothes to wear. It’s that irritating time of the year, not hot enough for t-shirts but neither cold for hoodies. Minhyuk picks a long sleeved shirt, once Hyungwon’s and some shorts. When he looks back to the bed, Hyungwon is staring at him with a pained expression.

He wants to ask. He wants to climb on the bed and kiss him. He wants to make out like when they were students and be sappy like they were on each of their anniversary nights. He never knew he would miss and treasure all these moments so much. He misses his Hyungwon. His witty, handsome and proud husband, now lost in his sickness.

Getting next to Hyungwon, Minhyuk watches his eyes light up with life once he sees the colorful pencils. Hyungwon always loved doodling and sketching. He is an architect after all.

“Can we put music on?” He also misses being called MInhyukkie, or honey. Hyungwon probably doesn’t notice the change in his speech patterns.

Minhyuk opens his laptop and finds one of Hyungwon’s playlists. They used to listen to these a lot. Playlists for working, relaxing, making love. Hyungwon loved discovering new songs and adding them to his playlists.

They sit in silence, side to side sketching. Minhyuk is not paying much attention to what he is doing, but the basic idea is that he is creating a forest. He giggles putting the yellow sun at the corner of the paper and makes it smile. He takes blue and paints a sky. There, between the three he can imagine himself and Hyungwon walking, searching the perfect spot for a picnic.

He looks over at Hyungwon’s paper. He is working with a black pencil only. He is carefully sketching every little detail, paws, a tail, a nose. It’s a cat. Then he takes the brown and the golden and a little bit of orange to paint its fur and it looks so real Minhyuk expects it to start purring.

Hyungwon is humming to the song playing and once again hope nests in Minhyuk’s chest. His husband is gonna win this. Life will get so, so much better. He almost feels affection for the cat on the paper. Anything to make Hyungwon happy.

“That’s Wonnie.” Hyungwon proudly declares, passing his paper to Minhyuk.

“It’s our cat?” He will put it up on the fridge.

“It’s the cat we’ll take. When I get better.”

“Right baby.”

Minhyuk kisses Hyungwon’s forehead and lets him sleep.

Doctor appointments terrify him. Standing next to Hyungwon, who’s on his wheelchair and waiting their turn to take the monthly exam results. Minhyuk caresses Hyungwon’s hair, more to calm himself down. He hopes for the best but Hyungwon has only been becoming weaker. The medication is not strong enough and willpower alone does nothing.

They are called inside the office and from the expression on the doctor’s face he knows something is wrong. It starts like all the other times, with simple questions. “How are you feeling Mr. Chae?”, “Are you taking your medication?”, “Are you eating enough?”. An endless list of polite remarks with no worth, since only the exams can show how much better, or worse Hyungwon has gotten.

He gets lost in his thoughts and comes back only with Hyungwon’s hand gripping his side.  
The words repeat in his mind and he wants to forget them. To convince himself that this is a bad dream and he’ll wake up next to Hyungwon soon.

“There is no more time left Mr. Chae. I’m so sorry.”

Hyungwon is crying.

The same night, he helps Hyungwon get in their bed instead of their couch. He is scared that he’ll lose him. In the middle of the night. When he is away for work, when he is at the convenience store. Hyungwon cries for hours and is still not tired enough to pass out. He cups Minhyuk’s face and kisses him, after months. It’s nothing like what it used to feel like, Hyungwon’s lips so dry and Minhyuk so scared to pull him closer. He quits his job the next day.

The next days, family and friends come and go. Minhyuk has never seen anything sadder, than Hyungwon’s mother hugging her bedridden son, while his father stands a few meters away trying to hold back his tears. They don’t stay for long, but they leave food and wishes for a miracle to happen. Minhyuk’s mother visits too, she always adored Hyungwon a lot. She makes him promise to get better and eat her kimchi again.

 

Hyungwon lasts for three and a half weeks. Almost a month.

He leaves on a rainy night. Minhyuk wakes up to find him cold beside him, smiling in his sleep.

The funeral is like one more of his bad dreams and Hoseok drives him back home because nobody trusts him alone in the car. He takes a few things and goes to Kihyun’s apartment to spend the night. The house seems so much emptier and everything reminds him of Hyungwon. The duvet on the couch, the sketches on the fridge, the second toothbrush.

Minhyuk feels like he’s gradually getting sick himself. Everything is harder and he is running out of money. He starts looking for jobs every morning with his breakfast. He makes enough coffee for two and ends up spilling the leftover in the sink every night.

His new work doesn’t require suits and ties, so he sometimes wears Hyungwon’s old clothes. Loose hoodies and cozy jackets. He finds all their old photos and looks at them before falling asleep. He keeps Hyungwon’s pens and building sketches in a separate drawer. He doesn’t dare think about taking his wedding ring off.

One evening he is making tea and watching old videos. The one from his wedding is playing, fireworks going off on the screen and people cheering. He feels bittersweet. Rain is hitting the kitchen’s window but he doesn’t mind. He hears loud meowing from outside but doesn’t move. The kitten’s mum will pick it soon.

The meowing continues every night for days and Minhyuk decides to check it out. He takes the elevator and opening the downstairs door, he sees a brown furred ball at the porch. It stirs and looks back at him with green big eyes. He pushes it away from the door with his foot and stomps on the marble until the kitten goes away. The crying doesn’t stop.

It takes one more week. The mum doesn’t seem to be anywhere around and for some reason nobody else has picked the kitten. Minhyuk finds it again near the porch one day after coming from work. He doesn’t even like cats but he feels like this one is special. He picks it up, it’s feathery light and holds it against his chest.

“Okay Wonnie, let’s go home.”

It looks just like the one on his fridge.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
